I came upon this quote recently:
The only opinion about you that matters is your own. Other people’s behavior and thoughts are a reflection on them and their issues, not yours.Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins is a TV host and motivation speaker. I don’t know if she originated it, but it certainly rang true with me, especially the second sentence.
Another way of saying this is “when someone treats you badly, it’s more of a reflection of who they are than who you are”.
This is something I’ve known for a long time, at least on a intellectual level, but remembering and really internalizing it is not easy.
It hit home for me because I sometimes brood about feeling disrespected and unloved, which causes me to feel sorry for myself.
It’s also occurred to me that my pride is causing me to feel this way, which is something I can do something about.
I should forget about how I’m feeling and realize that they aren’t feeling good about themselves, and the question I should be asking is “what can I do to help them feel better?”.
Of course, the answer is often “I can’t do anything about it at the moment”, in which case you just have to let it go.
This kind of goes along with a rule of human behavior that I’ve observed to be true generally speaking: “he who finds fault has the greater fault”.
Truly great people will always treat others with love, kindness, and respect, even if the other person has a lot of faults and weaknesses. That’s the role model I’m trying to follow.
If someone treats you disrespectfully, you can be sure that they are not feeling good about themselves. They are dealing with their own frustrations and doubts. Their poor treatment of you or others is just reflection of that.
But we usually forget that — and they don’t realize it either.
They’ll blame you for the way they feel and use that as a justification for the way they’re treating you, when in reality the root cause of their behavior are unresolved issues of the present or past that may relate to you, but have other root causes.